THE STRANGER IN MY HOME
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Leaving Home

8/16/2015

8 Comments

 
I lived and and worked in Kolkata, India, but decided to move to the US, to be with my American wife who worked in Washington, DC. When I mentioned the idea to my parents, who liked her, they supported the idea. However, it took me a little more time to discover that my father, to whom I was close, was upset at the idea of my living so far away from him.

Over dinner one night, when he remarked that Heaven alone knew when he would see me again, I chose to handle the subject head on. “Even while I am in India,” I said, “I travel a lot, and you don’t always get to see me. Travel to the US is no greater barrier. I can always come and visit you in India. You too can visit me in Washington.”

“That is true,” he conceded, “but you are leaving your home here. You may not find it that easy to stay in touch.”

He was right. I got busy with my new job in the US, my travels were mostly in North America and the plan to visit India kept getting deferred. To tell the truth, settling down in my new life also seemed a higher priority than a nostalgic visit to my friends and family. I tried to compensate by writing long letters to my parents and calling my father regularly. He always said he missed me but never asked when he would see me again.
Picture
A cable came to say that a surgery he had undergone had gone badly and his condition was getting worse. I was traveling and never knew about it. Nor did I know about a second cable from my brother suggesting an immediate visit because my father’s condition was critical. When I returned home Saturday morning, a third cable had just been delivered: he had passed away the night before.

Suddenly all my immediate priorities seemed totally meaningless. I could not think straight and simply ambled out of my apartment building. It was snowing and my glasses soon became opaque. I trudged on pointlessly, the realization slowly dawning that the past that I had so complacently taken for granted had forever slipped out of my reach.

I had irrevocably left home.

8 Comments
fabiola ortiz
8/16/2015 15:46:31

Hola Manish : es una historia muy triste la de tu partida de casa , pero no como para sentirse culpable , porque es un hecho , el que a cierta edad , la mayoria de nosotros dejemos a nuestros padres y formemos nuestro propio hogar , o se viaje en busca de la realizacion personal o profesional , porque en la vida hay oportunidades que no se repiten y se deben tomar , maxime ,cuando se es joven ; todo lo que se experimente nos ayuda a madurar y a conseguir la independencia tan necesaria para realmente dejar huella a nuestro paso por la vida .El cortar ese cordon umbilical que nos une a nuestros padres no quiere decir que los dejamos de amar porque quien es , sensible y agradecido siempre estara' pendiente de esos seres que han hecho que nuestra existencia tenga sentido al brindarnos el calor irremplazable de un hogar que nos vio' crecer y volar lejos del nido .

Reply
Manish Nandy
8/17/2015 00:07:02

Thank you for your very thoughtful and reassuring comments. Yes, we have to be grateful to those who nurtured us and helped us grow our wings.

Reply
Suman Sengupta link
8/23/2015 03:09:24

Absolutely heart-wrenching ... had to fight back tears reading this.

It is amazing that your language is so simple, yet or probably for that very reason, so powerful ..

Reply
Manish Nandy
8/23/2015 05:20:19

Thank you for your heart-felt reaction. Please visit me again.

Reply
Mary Gates
9/19/2015 00:34:39

Manish, I am for once left without words, in Spanish or English, to adequately describe the spectrum of emotions this story engendered in me. Both of my parents died when I was young, before I reached adulthood. I am not sure now which is worse, the feeling of having been abandoned by your parents or the guilt at being the one who left first. I hope that at least your father enjoyed knowing of your successful life in a new country.

Reply
Manish
9/19/2015 01:22:08

Greatly appreciate your heart-felt comments. Never occurred to me to think of the other possibility you mention. I am learning!

Reply
ELIZABETH M LEEK
8/4/2020 21:33:42

Like you I'm an avid reader of The Sun and have always enjoyed the letters you submit and decided to look you up tonight. I have lived nearly 40 years here in my deluxe cottage/1887 schoolhouse and am also an avid witness to the comedy/tragedy that envelopes us here in the heart of the beast. Wanted to reach out and say hello- Elizabeth

Reply
Subhendu Aich
8/12/2020 03:32:24

I'm settling down in US with my family. Living here for last 7 years. My father back in India has been diagnosed with Cancer few months back. The cancer is progressing and given the pandemic I feel more disconnected with my parents.
While browsing through your website, I bumped to this blog. It touched my heart. Will read more of your writings

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    Manish Nandy

    Writer, Speaker, Consultant
    Earlier: Diplomat, Executive


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